Goodbye, For Now


I would’ve helped you, had I known.

You meant so much to me, more than you knew.

You were family, you were important.

I’ve been to that place before.

I know what it’s like to shatter into a million pieces.

I know how to put myself back together again.

I would’ve shown you, but now you’re gone.

You are always loved.


Asked for information from an Agnostic group and got shit for having “god” in my (very ancient) email address. I wasn’t aware that Agnostics weren’t permitted to have their own beliefs, or to ask questions!

I know it’s December, but there’s just so many Snowflakes…


My mother and I’ve been reorganising the house the past few weeks, slowly going through everything in order to really get an idea how we’re going to fit my things in as well as hers.

She’s been working on the front room closet, going through old holiday decorations, kids’ stuff that goes to my brother, all in order to convert it to a pantry. I’m a cook; I adore food. As such, I need enough space for it. So after that’s done, we’ve got a cabinet downstairs to put everything else in. What’s left goes in general storage.

I’ve been thinking about how much stuff my mom has saved over the years for us kids. Some of it isn’t important, or probably even very sentimental… and that gets removed to make more room. Some of it is important, is sentimental, so it stays.

During this process, I’ve been going to doctors again, after over a decade of not being able to pursue it. I’m going to a research hospital in a massive campus with over a thousand individual doctors, nurses, and tens of thousands of students. I remember being so upset for so long about the quality of healthcare where I live, and how I went to herbalism and spirituality to heal myself enough to be able to survive the search for decent care.

Now I’m getting it, and it’s more than decent. I went to a consultation with an oral surgeon, barely two weeks ago, who also happened to be the second-highest professor in the entire program, all to ask him what kind of dentist/dental work would be best for me, and no one treated me like I was wasting valuable time. I actually got sympathy and understanding for the harm that was done to my mouth years ago! I have another appointment with the actual dentist who will be fixing things soon.

I’m also waiting on some test results that will determine if something is serious, or just incredibly frustrating. I had a dream last night, per Hypnos, that I think revealed the answer, but I am waiting to see.

Hopefully, once this is figured out, I’ll be able to focus more on baking cookies, playing the new games I bought for Black Friday, and furthering my practice overall.

I think it’s good to be cleaning house whilst going through all of these other things. It helps keep things in perspective. It’s good to know that my suffering wasn’t worth nothing at all, and that all my hard work is capable of paying off in the end. I’ve been pleasantly surprised how my relationship with Hades, with its ups and downs, has remained. I’m grateful that He’s still here after all this time, to give advice when I want it, and to take out the trash when I need it.

It’s also nice to be able to throw His name around sometimes. 😉